And who was I to expect everyone else would work the same way I did? We were all caring for our parents in our own best ways.
How lucky I was that I had the strength, stamina, resources and organizational skills to handle our family crisis. It was during my morning gratitude practice that I decided I’d rather be thankful that I was able to manage so much, than be resentful that I had to do so much.
#Talk to the booty cause the hands off duty professional#
Unable at the time to seek the help of a professional therapist due to time and money constraints, I had to find a way to deal with my feelings. I could feel the effect my resentment was having on me and I knew it was only going to make me sick or permanently damage relationships I wanted to preserve. When one of my siblings would tell me they needed to take a break from our family crisis to buy groceries or do laundry it would make me crazy. There were 196 items on the list at one point. When my parents were both hospitalized, I kept a spreadsheet of all the things I needed to do for them. And when you are the caregiver, you need to take care of your self – mentally, physically, and emotionally. It’s just that negativity can eat you up. Resentment: It is easy to become resentful when you are ‘the one.’ “Where’s the help?” “Why is this on me?” “Why do they get a pass?” And of course, “This isn’t fair.” It’s not that your resentment isn’t justified – it very well could be. The four traps of caregiving with siblings Beware these four traps: resentment, wishful thinking, indecision and indiscretion. If you are ‘the one’ there are certain things you need to watch out for – besides burnout, of course. It doesn’t matter so much how you come to the role. Sometimes your parents choose you and sometimes geography does. Sometimes the role is yours because, admit it your bossy, and you don’t make lots of space for other siblings to help or have input. Sometimes you become ‘the one’ because you are a natural leader or doer. It doesn’t matter if you’re one of six or the only child. Caregivers and healthcare professionals know, “there’s always one.” In most families there is one sibling who shoulders most of the responsibility for caregiving.
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